SilentLuminary Reviews

  Genre: Comedy Time: 1h 20mins Director:  Ryan Martin Brown Quick Summary: Approaching the end of his twenties and his relative youth, a man decides to quit his cushy desk job and embrace life, only to realize he has no idea what to do with this newfound freedom. This was actually so painful to watch. In fact, it reminded me of those cringe Millenial TikTok humour videos. They're so unfunny it hurts me. Imagine those put into a film. I found the occasional moment funny, and by funny I mean a little chuckle came out of me. Am I supposed to find two people walking around in silence funny? Sure, when it's done right.  I think the main fault is the main guy. He was such a loser, and honestly an asshole. I found it so hard to sympathise with this guy because he was trying so hard to be seen, like a little child. Either moping around, ringing literally everyone he knows because he's bored, or playing over the top his entire band and then throwing an adult tantrum expecting pe...

  Genre: Thriller/ Drama Time: 1h 40mins Directors:  Sam H. Freeman, Ng Choon Ping Quick Summary:  Follows Jules, who is targeted in a horrific homophobic attack, destroying his life and career. Sometime after that event he encounters Preston, one of his attackers, in a gay sauna. He wants revenge. Am I supposed to feel bad for Jules? Preston was the real victim here, I was almost crying for him at the end. No seriously, by the end of this, I had no idea who to actually feel bad for. Should I feel bad for the person who got attacked or the person who got lured into a false relationship? Even if it was for the sake of revenge it's an equally horrible thing to do. Both people were terrible people. I was a little uncomfortable with how they presented the Gay Community in a slightly bad light too. It's tense from the get-go and I was internally screaming right until the end because I was terrified for both people. I barely had a minute to breathe since at any moment either p...

  Genre: Horror/ Mystery  Time: 1h 30mins Director:  Michael Mohan Quick Summary:  Cecilia, a woman of devout faith, is warmly welcomed to the picture-perfect Italian countryside where she is offered a new role at an illustrious convent. But it becomes clear to Cecilia that her new home harbors dark and horrifying secrets. So Syndey we want you to brutally scream into the camera for almost a minute straight. Make sure you stare it down too My bad for expecting a horror film about a convent to be good. Genuinely it was okay, I did enjoy watching this, but not much goes on. It's the same Religious horror imagery and imagery that most films revolve around Christianity. Also, even though one jumpscare got me really good, mostly they're cheap and basically loud noises. It's 2024 I thought we were past this. If it wasn't for the ending being so out there and insane I wouldn't have liked it as much. Cover someone in blood and get them to scream in the camera; I'm sold...

  Genre: Superhero/ Action Time: 2h 28mins Director:   Jon Watts Quick Summary:  With Spider-Man's identity now revealed, Peter asks Doctor Strange for help. When a spell goes wrong, dangerous foes from other worlds start to appear. Here's a fun fact about me: this film got me into Marvel. To this day, I still never emotionally recovered from it either. There is always something so heartbreaking about watching this Peter Parker constantly failing because of things out of his hands, no matter what he does. He's the spiderman who wants to save everyone, but can't. There are so many extreme choices he has to make throughout this and he always ends up picking the wrong one. Well, except at the end. As sad as that was, he had to make the choice he did for everyone's sake. He has is own personal troubles and constantly has to put them on hold to be a superhero, but that ends up ruining other people's lives. The poor boy can't catch a break. This guy is literally...

  Genre: Family/ Musical  Time: 1h 19mins Directors:  Wolfgang Reitherman, Clyde Geronimi, David Hand Quick Summary:  A poor boy named Arthur learns the power of love, kindness, knowledge and bravery with the help of a wizard called Merlin on the path to become one of the most beloved kings in English history. You know I'm shocked about a film about the beginning of King Arthur and Merlin for it to be so boring.  I think young kids will probably enjoy the silly antics Arthur and Merlin get up to as various animals since they're all pretty hectic and have the same formula of messing around and learning to be the animal they are, and then they are chased by a predator, so then they work together or Arthur uses his brain to work out how to get away. That's really it for most of the film. It's funny too because this starts off with the story of "the sword in the stone" and then forgets about it until the last ten minutes. Merlin himself is so relatable as an adul...

  Genre: Thriller/ Crime Time: 1h 44mins Director:  Rose Glass Quick Summary:  Gym manager Lou falls for Jackie, a bodybuilder who is passing through town en route to a competition in Las Vegas. Me after watching this Seriously though, I never really expected to find muscles attractive as I've always been against them, but this has converted me a little bit.  I did like how '80s/ almost 90's felt, as it wasn't all just generic pop culture stereotypical stuff. We get bad hair, rotting teeth, tacky clothes, and that empty kind of look that the 80's had. Mostly this is your typical crime thriller, but with roided up lesbians with guns. It's violent, erotic, and a little disappointing (I'll get to that at the end) There were a lot of things I liked about this. Genuinely this is pretty tense, a revenge drama that keeps getting more tense as things keep going wrong, but with the addition of a bodybuilder full of roid rage. All the scenes where Katy M. O'Bria...

  Genre: Action/ Sci-fi Time: 2h 10mins Director:  Jon Watts Quick Summary : Peter Parker, the beloved superhero Spider-Man, faces four destructive elemental monsters while on holiday in Europe. Soon, he receives help from Mysterio, a fellow hero with mysterious origins. I forgot how good this is The beginning made me a little nervous since the Spidey suit was painfully CGI, and it felt a bit too cutesy to be a Superhero film. But then when it really got into it, I got into it. We get to see what life is like for some people after the return of the blip, and how everyone is trying to return back to normal life. We see first-hand footage of students returning and we hear how it’s affected relationships and the lives of those left behind.  I was really impressed by Jake Gyllenhaal in this movie. His talent really brought a lot to this sequel, and his portrayal of Quentin Beck has solidified him as one of the best villains in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. He’s a...

  Genre: Family/ Adventure Time: 1h 20mins Director:  Wolfgang Reitherman Quick Summary:  Mowgli is a young boy who has been raised by wolves. When a man-eating tiger threatens his life, his animal family tries to convince him to leave the jungle and live in the human village. "Nothing will get between us" *a woman enters the scene* Seriously, that is how the ending goes. It felt so out of nowhere and I found it more funny than anything else because of how on the nose it was. That is what this film is mostly. Funny. I was laughing at some sort of silly thing like Bagheera's over-dramatic reactions, moans, groans, faces; Baloo just being a big old goofy bear; Monkeys; and Mowgli interacting with things in the jungle. Mowgli was such a goofy little guy. I don't think there were many brain cells going on up there, but it made him so funny to watch. Pulling faces, mimicking other animals, pulling shenanigans to Kaa the Snake, and just generally mucking around. The music ...

  Genre: Horror/ Comedy Time: 1h 44mins Director: Tim Burton Quick Summary:  After a family tragedy, three generations of the Deetz family return home to Winter River. Still haunted by Beetlejuice, Lydia's life is turned upside down when her teenage daughter, Astrid, accidentally opens the portal to the Afterlife. Get yourself a man who will show as much devotion to you as Beetlejuice did for Lydia. I'll admit I was sceptical about this, being it is a sequel to a beloved film, and with how films have been recently with sequels I had good reasons. Honestly, I was surprised. I wouldn't go out of my way to say this is an amazing  sequel, but it's genuinely okay. It's fun and nostalgic, and there is nothing wrong with that if it's done well, which this has managed to do. I was so worried it was going to shove the same rehashed jokes from the first one, with the same sort of plotline. A lot of the humour is the same; pervy jokes, nods to over things, fast-talking n...

  Genre: Family/ Adventure Time: 1h 22mins Director : Davis Doi Quick Summary:  Littlefoot, a baby dinosaur, finds out that his father is in trouble after the latter does not return home. Later, Littlefoot sets out with his friends to rescue him. I've had enough, these are dreadful. If you've read all these you've probably witnessed my burnout from them. I don't recommend watching these at all. There are two characters randomly thrown in like we already know them? I couldn't even tell you their name. Randomly there is Chomper too somehow. That isn't explained either.  These films try to trick me into thinking it's finally going to be a good one, but then I'm left even more drained than the one before it. Littlefoot's father is in danger and he needs to go save him. Cool, interesting. Wrong, we don't see him until the last twenty minutes of the film.  Everything is just worse, CGI, characters, plot. You name it. I'm not sure how they were abl...

  Genre: Family/ Adventure  Time: 1h 16mins Director:  Jamie Mitchell Quick Summary:  Littlefoot learns a series of important lessons following an incident that nearly costs his grandmother her life. Soon afterwards, three dinosaurs arrive claiming they have lost their way. Imagine trying to teach kids common sense when the characters in this have no common sense. I was so ready for this to end, as it's the same as the last film where a bunch of moral lessons are shoved down your throat in the way of spoken life lessons. The CGI is even worse, so much so that the characters and the background look like separate things. I never thought this was possible but they made characters worse than Mo. These dodo-like creatures that are introduced in this are the most stupid creatures I have ever seen. I don't think they had a brain. God, they were annoying too, so much their voice annoyed me. Imagine the stereotype of a stupid character and times that by twenty. It's my own f...

  Genre : Family/ Adventure Time: 1h 23mins Director:  Charles Grosvenor Quick Summary:  Fun takes flight with prehistoric pals Littlefoot, Cera, Petrie, Spike and Ducky in this all-new soaring adventure. Shocker that the dinosaur who looks like Petrie ( A Pterodactyl) can fly. I still wasn't paying attention to any of these films anymore, my brain had gone into mush now. Because all this film is, is moral lesson after moral lesson in the shape of adults telling the kids various life lessons, shoved down your throat. Absolutely no cute adventure or shenanigans. Honestly, there wasn't much of a story aside from trying to find out what type of dinosaur this new guy was.  Again this feels like a TV show episode they reaalllly stretched out. I don't even remember any songs. But I do remember Petrie basically fucking everything up at any point in this. 2/10

  Genre: Family/ Adventure  Time: 1h 21mins Director:  Charles Grosvenor Quick Summary:  Littlefoot and his friends return in another adventure. But this time, they aren't the smallest dinosaurs in the valley...anymore. Yet again Cera's dad is racist, what a surprise. Is this supposed to be a charming trait that he hates all dinosaurs but his own? This guy even tries to kill a new race because he didn't like them There are a lot of things that happen in this and Honestly, I stopped paying full attention after the last film. My brain couldn't handle it anymore. But suddenly there were tiny dinosaurs. Like actually tiny dinosaurs. Who ends up taking the blame for something Littlefoot ended up doing, which funnily enough he never gets told off for? It's treated as a sort of good thing he did, even though he ruined food that was stored up for a special occasion for the full herd and lied about it. Sure, teach kids it's okay to lie if they think they can get away w...

  Genre: Family/ Adventure  Time: 1h 25mins Director:  Charles Grosvenor Quick Summary:  Littlefoot has been on many adventures before, but in this new edition to the Land Before Time series, the next adventure may change his life...forever. I will say this straight away to clear up anything. I fell asleep halfway through this and refused to watch the rest. It was the middle of the day too. The setup for this was incredible! I genuinely thought after the horror of Mo in the last film it would pick right up. Littlefoot ends up having these really bizarre dreams, which are the same ones his grandparents are having, which ends up being the urge to migrate. Honestly, that is really interesting, to think that the urge to migrate would come about like that for all Longnecks. This really got me by fooling me into a journey film with his grandparents. As soon as this is all established and they are headed on their way to the place they feel like they need to be, the rest of ...

  Genre: Family/ Adventure  Time: 1h 15mins Director:  Charles Grosvenor Quick Summary:  Littlefoot befriends with a mysterious, fun-loving dolphin-like creature named Mo, who is trapped in "new water" caused by heavy rain. The gang then goes on an adventure to the "big water" to bring Mo home. I know I'm not the target audience here but please for the love of God, nobody make me listen to Mo again. I'll get the good out of the way first, as there isn't much. Surprisingly, all the characters were shaded! No more flat art. They look so much better, like Jesus it couldn't have cost much to shade the characters, could it?  As I watched more, I realised where they got the budget to shade them. Most of the background and landscape was CGI. Really bad CGI too. It just doesn't look right, you can plainly see where they just layered it underneath the character art. As well it's so painfully obviously done by a computer. Seeing as most of this film ...

  Genre: Family/ Adventure Time: 1h 16mins Director:  Charles Grosvenor Quick Summary:  Snow falls in the Great Valley for the first time, puzzling and enchanting everyone. The friends search for Spike after he leaves to search for his family. Man, I was surprised to see Ducky being the bitchy one for once. This one surprised me a lot to be honest, as firstly it focuses on Ducky and Spike. Ducky acts really horrible towards Spike just because he snores at night, which to me is ridiculous. Maybe she's been getting attitude lessons from Cera. At the same Spike finally meets another Dinosaur family like him, which obviously really makes him excited and want to spend time with them. It becomes a weird cycle as Ducky gets more and more irritated with Spike spending less time with her. Honestly, it's a bit weird to me to be jealous about this, because if Spike was really family to her she would be happy he's found people to relate to. Spike is obviously oblivious to this. I do...

  Genre: Family/ Adventure Time: 1h 15mins Director:  Charles Grosvenor Quick Summary:  A mysterious object crashes near the great valley, and Petrie's untrustful uncle arrives in search of it, believing it to be "a storm of cold fire", a supposed rock of great powers. Thank god they got rid of the Cell animation. It looks so much better now that I assume all the animation is done on a computer. Though, that now makes room for really ugly CGI stuff. It's so out of place too because of how ugly and cheap it was back then. Whenever the dinosaurs would be interacting with whatever CGI thing, it looked so bizarre like they weren't even touching anything because they didn't even bother to put shading on it.  I did think that they were going to go in a new direction and not have any songs. I was wrong. It took until thirty minutes into the film for a song to start and I don't even remember it. After luring me into a false sense of security you'd think the s...

  Genre: Family/ Adventure Time: 1h 17mins Director: Charles Grosvenor Quick Summary : Grandpa tells Littlefoot about their mythical hero called the Lone Dinosaur. Sarah gets two little lively cousins to take care of. Later, the kids accidentally chip the lucky Saurus Rock, and need to fix it before the bad luck hits Yeehaw. Yeah, I have no idea why they chose this to be more Western but I loved it. I'm pretty sure they recoloured everything to be slightly more orange and brown, I guess to give that Western desert feel. Funnily enough, the only song I remembered was the country song they slapped in the beginning, which admittedly I really liked. Maybe these films are getting to me.  In addition to this, we get another new character dubbed the Lone Dinosaur who is obviously created after the Lone Ranger, but I'm not complaining. Cold, distant and not open to long conversations. This guy was cool, and Littlefoot thought that too. It was so cute watching him imagine himself...

  Genre: Family/ Adventure Time : 1h 14mins Director:  Charles Grosvenor Quick Summary:  Littlefoot and his friends and the gang in their next when a swarm of leaf gobblers destroys their homes and this forces them to find a new home but yet find a mysterious island. ★。＼｜／。★ ★⋆  HAPPY 500TH REVIEW  ⋆ ★ ★。／｜＼。★ Please make the singing stop Jesus Christ. I find it hilarious how stupid these adults are. They are constantly unaware of the whereabouts of their kids, and just aimlessly stand there looking for them. In fact, they walk past them several times throughout this. I'm surprised these kids haven't died yet because of the negligence. Cera's father has reverted back to being a racist dictator, saying the longnecks would eat all the food they had scrapped together, or the spiketails would. So because of this they should all separate and go find food elsewhere. What is it with all the Dino Racism?  Somehow, the art and animation got worse. There is even a do...

  Genre: Family/ Adventure Time: 1h 14mins Director:  Roy Allen Smith Quick Summary:  When Littlefoot's grandfather falls ill, the only way to cure him is with a flower from the forbidding land of the mists, which holds unexpected perils and danger. Okay, we're actually getting back to the kids going on journeys instead of messing around in the valley.  I'll start with the songs, as I only remember one of them and you know what it's kinda sweet. Littlefoot's grandmother starts singing a song about the cycle of life and death and how important it is, and eventually, everyone has their time to go upon his grandfather falling really ill. I will praise this a lot too because it's done in a way that kids can take on board really easily without scaring them. It's gentle and soft and reminds me of the death of his mother in the first film. That has a lot more maturity to it, but this is simple and pleasant.  This puts in place the main plotline, to go find this m...

  Genre: Family/ Adventure Time: 1h 11mins Director:  Roy Allen Smith Quick Summary:  When the water supply to the Great Valley is blocked, Littlefoot and his friends must cooperate with a group of bullies to find the reason for the cause. I understand why Cera is a little bitch now. As far as openings went for all of these, this was okay. It was simple but it put the foundations down smoothly; meteorites stop water from getting into the valley. This causes all the adult dinosaurs to panic and argue. The kids are pretty much clueless and don't get why they can't play in the lake (maybe because there is no lake anymore? Just a guess.) Though it is funny looking back on these films now, this was the start of these films ALWAYS  having some sort of climate change issue as their opening. Sort of like their go-to opening to a problem.  Because these kids feel like it's always their job to fix things, they decide to go off and find water. They actually end up being ...