SilentLuminary Reviews

  Genre: Comedy/ Action Time: 1h 56mins Director:  Shane Black Quick Summary:  In 1970s Los Angeles, a mismatched pair of private eyes investigate a missing girl and the mysterious death of a porn star. I don't think I've ever heard Ryan Gosling scream so much I'll be honest, I preferred Ryan over Russell Crowe. Sure, Russell had his funny moments and had really good chemistry with Ryan but honestly, I forgot he was there half the time. I'm not sure if I just didn't like his acting, or the type of character he was given, he just didn't hit it off with me. I think the moments I did enjoy with him were only because of Ryan I'll be honest.  Ryan Gosling was amazing in this, and I think for the majority of this he was just screaming but man it was hilarious to watch him essentially flail around and stumble his way onto clue to solve the crime. He had a much better sense of comedic timing and how he visually reacted to things was great.  This was fun to watch, ...

  Genre: Comedy/ Romance Time: 1h 21mins Director:  Aki Kaurismäki Quick Summary:  In modern-day Helsinki, two lonely souls in search of love meet by chance in a karaoke bar. However, their path to happiness is beset by obstacles - from lost phone numbers to mistaken addresses, alcoholism, and a charming stray dog. Love can't fix you but it can save you. I can't get over just how sweet this was. It's not over-the-top mushy romance, but it's realistic. Something I really liked is that the romance didn't feel forced, it felt genuine and something that had built up over time, not your usual love-at-first-sight trope.  They don't quite find comfort in each other at first or even lust towards each other, but they find peace together. It's as simple as that and that is what makes this film so warm. I will warn you, it's a very slow burn of a romance. They don't actually meet each other until half an hour into the film, but I liked that because you get to ...

  Genre: Horror/ Crime Time: 1h 35mins Director:  Jeremy Saulnier Quick Summary:  A punk rock band is forced to fight for survival after witnessing a murder at a neo-Nazi skinhead bar. Sure, I like being stressed my entire viewing experience.  The beginning of this film is very slow and pretty uninteresting to the point of I almost stopped watching. When I say, keep watching, I mean keep watching because about the quarter the way in you're smacked with a rush of adrenaline that does not stop until the end of the film. There were a lot of moments when I realised I was holding my breath while watching due to how tense they were.  This is incredibly violent and extremely brutal in some moments, hopeless even. You watch as characters get beaten down (literally) no matter what they do as they try to escape a situation they end up in by simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I think what makes this so terrifying is just how realistic this situation is. P...

  Genre: Horror/ Drama Time: 1h 23mins Director:  Trey Edward Shults Quick Summary:  Krisha returns for Thanksgiving dinner after ten years away from her family, but past demons threaten to ruin the festivities. I need to go lie down after this Imagine a pot of boiling water that is very slowly boiling, but is always about to boil over. That's how this film feels; pure anticipation anxiety. It's unnerving right from the very start by opening with this woman's face slowly being zoomed in as she stares into your soul for almost one minute. As this film goes on, you're just waiting for something to happen, even if you're not really sure what is. Each moment feels more and more tense. Honestly, it's actually really stressful.  Old wounds are re-opened, and a simple conversation on the patio turns into harsh comments digging for information, or checking the timer for the baking turkey becomes near catastrophes. Each interaction with anyone makes you hold your breat...

  Genre: Horror/ Sci-Fi Time: 1h 32mins Director:  Steven Quale Quick Summary:  Death returns to claim the lucky survivors of a deadly bridge collapse in this fifth frightening instalment in the series. Who was the genius that thought it was a good idea to call the last one the final destination ? Like who were they kidding, of course they were going to make more after it. I think like the previous, this really had nothing going for it. The plot is that people die. I genuinely can't think of anything else that happened in this. Don't get me wrong the deaths are really intense one poor girl basically snaps her spine backwards and her legs outward, or another has a high-speed super precise laser go over her eye multiple times and then she falls out of a high-story building.  The beginning of this film had a pretty cool opening massacre with the collapse of a giant bridge. It was honestly really interesting to watch the various ways people were whacked and slashed, so ...

  Genre: Horror/ Mystery  Time: 1h 22mins Director:  David R. Ellis Quick Summary:  A horrifying premonition saves a young man and his friends from death during a racetrack accident but terrible fates await them nonetheless. And now we know if you're racist, death is gonna make your death painful. They did not need to make another after the last film but here we are. This one just feels like they remade the first film but this time, the main lead gets premonitions before each death in super cryptic ways. The acting is terrible. The story is formulaic. There's nothing really interesting as far as the plot. No discussion of death. No new interesting concepts.  This one is a bit of a stinker I'll admit but What this movie is really about is killing young, attractive individuals in a manner which will complement the 3D. Nothing else. It's just killing people using flying objects, and I'm loving it. Watching films years after the 3D craze is brilliant becau...

  Genre: Horror/ Sci-Fi Time: 1h 33mins Director:  James Wong Quick Summary:  Wendy Christensen and a group of teens who escaped a fatal roller-coaster crash face a bloody date with Death. Not that I wanted to go in a tanning bed anyway, but now I definitely don't want to.  Imagine taking something mediocre at best and making it PERFECT. Now you have this film. They've ironed out all the kinks, and all the issues and produced this masterpiece. Behold its glory. A new element to the franchise is that clues are being left as to how the characters will die. Using her nifty digital camera, Wendy was busy taking pictures for the yearbook on the night she was supposed to die. After the accident, she begins examining the pictures and realizes that she has taken at least one picture of each survivor. A little more studying reveals that she might be able to use the photos to help the characters escape Death. I love this. It's so damn fun.   The deaths are so much m...

  Genre: Horror/ Sci-Fi Time: 1h 30mins Director:  David R. Ellis Quick Summary:  Death is stalking Kimberly Corman and multiple survivors of a deadly highway accident. Death really said sike to that one guy who won the lottery. Okay, people are less stupid in this one. I mean it too, the stuff that happens to them genuinely seems like accidents that could reasonably happen, and you know what? They actually show the set up which is a big bonus.  I actually liked the characters more this time around, shame nobody really lasts that long in this one. This makes the mistake of giving more attention to the character that is going to die next, unlike the previous where we learnt about them all together, this one singles each one out right before they are killed. It's like they're saying hey you don't need to bother caring about this one. Though saying that, I did actually like the lead character in this one as she felt useful and was actually trying to figure out what wa...

  Genre: Horror/ Sci-Fi Time: 1h 38mins Director:  James Wong Quick Summary:  After getting a premonition about a plane crash on his school trip, Alex, a student saves a few of his classmates. However, their situation gets complicated when death starts chasing them. This film got me all kinds of stressed out I fully believe this is where the trope of characters are fucking stupid in horror films. Jesus, they just can't do anything right in this one, even to the point of putting themself right slap-bang in the middle of danger by just doing the most absurd things. Like sure, I just poured boiling water in a mug to tip it out and then put vodka from the freezer in it, that isn't going to crack and spill everywhere where electrical stuff is. Every single character just chooses to be a moron and not use their brain and it stressed me out big time. All that said, this is still really original. The concept of Death will catch you if you cheat him, no matter how hard you run a...

Genre: Comedy/ Fantasy  Time: 1h 41mins Director:  Kristoffer Borgli Quick Summary:  A hapless family man finds his life turned upside down when millions of strangers suddenly start seeing him in their dreams. When his nighttime appearances take a nightmarish turn, Paul is forced to navigate his newfound stardom. Why haven't sprite made an advert with Nicolas Cage after this? This is pretty bizarre, but I was loving it as you watch this absolute loser of a man bumble through life, and then all of a sudden get famous because he's appearing in people's dreams randomly to then suddenly get "canceled". Just watching him react to everything is just brilliant, and you know what makes it better. It's Nicolas Cage.  The dream scenes are actually pretty funny to be honest, because they actually mimic real dreams that are wild as hell. Being chased by an alligator? Nicolas cage walks past and waves. Teeth falling out? Nicolas cage is just sitting there watching you. Yo...

  Genre: Comedy/ Romance Time: 1h 51mins Director:  John Hamburg Quick Summary:  A holiday gathering threatens to go off the rails when Ned Fleming realizes that his daughter's Silicon Valley millionaire boyfriend is about to pop the question. I laughed, but I also cringed When I started this film I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about it. It took a good while for it to really get going and be funny as for this portion, man it was awkward to watch. I was getting second-hand embarrassment more than actually laughing at it. I can't imagine being the parents in this situation, but then I do feel like they were very uptight about things considering they were meant to be "wild" in their teens. Also, with the younger couple, I've seen this pairing quite a few times it's not hard to believe it would happen, but probably not for it to work out. Going onto that, I don't know how I felt about the parents in this. They were supposed to be super out-there p...

  Genre: Horror/ Thriller Time: 1h 44mins Director:  William Brent Bell Quick Summary:  A desperate search for the young daughter of the town's new minister. Baby's first folk horror film  It only took a few days for me to forget the existence of this film and now only really thinking about this film, not much really happens. Sure, it's got your basic stepping stones for a folklore horror film, but it forgot to finish the path as by the time you get to the end (if you get to the end), it doesn't really make sense.  The set-up for this is pretty well written and keeps you really invested in what going on in this small town, but the longer it goes the less I was invested and wanted it to end. I'm not sure if it was because of how slow this is, or that they just refuse to give any relevant information until the end. Everything is just a guessing game of connecting the dots, except some of the dots are invisible.  One small thing I will praise this for is tha...

  Genre: Musical/ Drama Time: 1h 38mins Director:   Adam Anders Quick Summary:  This live-action Christmas musical adventure for the entire family weaves classic Christmas melodies with humour, faith, and new pop songs in a retelling of the greatest story ever told: the story of Mary and Joseph and the birth of Jesus. I want whatever the director is on. Honestly, I never expected to be watching a musical about the birth of Jesus Christ but here we are.  This was pretty bizarre to experience, as it feels like fan fiction between Mary and Joseph. The story was really all over the place and was full of childlike drama, or stuff that had been heavily toned down to be kid-friendly. Everything felt so generic to watch as well like I'd seen this type of film millions of times but in a different format.  I'm not gonna lie though, the music absolutely slaps in this and I have no clue why. It's just so damn good. They really didn't need to go so hard with it. The vi...

Genre: Comedy Time: 1h 24mins Director: L.E. Staiman Quick Summary:  Four couples attempt to find true love in a virtual world by going to absurd extremes in a world where the Metaverse is commonly used. Don't look up what a French tugboat is I don't know how I felt about this film as boy it was an experience. It's messy and I don't know how to describe it. I do hope this becomes a cult classic. This was sometimes funny, but I laughed at how awkward or bad this was. Every joke felt so unhinged and out of pocket, for example, someone posts a black clay face mask on Black Lives Matter day and they get cancelled for it, but their therapist is trying to get them to talk about how shallow and close-minded this person is as we're learning about this. AT THE SAME TIME, said therapist is having an online sexual chat with someone else (to have an affair) who she thinks is a stranger but turns out to be her husband, who also thinks it's a random stranger.  The acting is ...

  Genre: Comedy/ Sports Time: 1h 49mins Director:  Brian Fee Quick Summary:  Lightning McQueen sets out to prove to a new generation of racers that he's still the best race car in the world. Oh my poor little heart This was such a sweet and heartfelt watch after watching the other two as this feels so much more mature and hits you right in the emotions. It knows its audience is grown up and it uses that to explore themes like legacies, traditions, preservation and the "human" connection. Admittedly, I did feel bad for McQueen, since he's getting older and can no longer be at the top of his game. It's hard for people to know when to quit, as to them it's giving up their life and they frantically try to keep hold of it. A good portion of this film is that.  The animation is fantastic, it's rich in colour, gorgeously designed and the attention to detail is incredible. The racing scenes are mini-masterpieces of editing as to be expected. Also, there are car c...

  Genre: Comedy/ Action Time: 1h 46mins Director:  John Lasseter Quick Summary:  Star race car Lightning McQueen and his pal Mater head overseas to compete in the World Grand Prix race. But the road to the championship becomes rocky as Mater gets caught up in an intriguing adventure of his own: international espionage. McQueen is a dick is this one just to warn you Thought the previous one lacked action? (I dunno who does) Well, this one ramps up the action by throwing our beloved Mater right into the middle of a secret spy mission.  Admittedly, this one does have a lot of action jammed in, car chases, explosions, various secret spy montages, and even more Mater shenanigans. Oh and McQueen competes in a world grand prix, but we don't really care about that. It was really fun to watch Mater have his own film to completely mess around in. Sure, not all of it was entertaining, but what could beat the first one. This whole film is basically one big comedic relief moment...

  Genre: Comedy/ Sport Time: 1h 57mins Director:  John Lasseter Quick Summary:  On the way to the biggest race of his life, a hotshot rookie race car gets stranded in a rundown town and learns that winning isn't everything in life. I really didn't expect this to be a banger, to be honest.  Straight away this film opens up with music that slaps as well as brilliant animation. Everything is so shiny, glitzy and extra and I'm all for it. Though, going through a lot of recent Pixar Films the animation isn't as great as those, but this still holds up incredibly well considering the newer ones are very realistic. I loved how bright and vibrant everything was, it really holds your attention at times with how cartoony this is as well. Visually this is a treat.  You know what, I didn't expect to almost cry over this as well as it is so heartwarming, especially by the end. It highlights how friendships can help you improve, slow down or even simply enjoy life. It's fun t...

  Genre: Action/ Thriller Time: 2h 19mins Director:   Matthew Vaughn Quick Summary:  A reclusive author who writes espionage novels about a secret agent and a global spy syndicate realizes the plot of the new book she's writing starts to mirror real-world events, in real-time. Boy, this really likes its twists, doesn't it? I will fight for this as it was incredibly fun. It was poking fun at how awful and predictable some Spy films can be. It's silly and keeps you laughing throughout various events that are just pure shenanigans. It's as cheesy as it can be as a choice.  Sam Rockwell was awesome and made up for most of the comedic moments. Pure Liquid Gold. I could have just watched him for the entirety of the film. Bryce Dallas Howard, I did prefer in the first half of the film, but after a certain twist, she loses me a bit sadly. But they work together brilliantly and are such a fun duo. My favourite part of them together is when she was imagining him to ...

  Genre: Comedy Time: 1h 39mins Director:  Jessica Yu Quick Summary:  A game-show-obsessed woman and her estranged sister work together to help cover their mother's gambling debts. This is what happens when one sister has Autism and the other ADHD You know what I did really enjoy this, it's nothing special or new, but it was fun. It was honestly pretty funny in a lot of places. Most of the humour comes from these two sisters interacting and they are the complete opposites to each other my god it is so relatable, as I feel like me and my own sister are the same way together. One being the quieter, awkward one and the other being very loud and extra all the time. However, some of the jokes didn't fully land with me and felt actually awkward to watch.  I think the whole premise, while being silly and a bit out there, could realistically happen. A lot of the events that happen in this could also realistically happen, and I think that is where some of the enjoyment comes...

  Genre: Fantasy/ Adventure  Time: 1h 47mins Director:  Courtney Solomon Quick Summary:  Profion, a tyrant, attempts to overthrow a peaceful kingdom ruled by a tough empress. No wonder Dungeons & Dragons was uncool for so long. I'm going to be honest straight away, I barely remember any of the film. I think it was that bad I pushed all memory of it out of my brain. It was just incredibly messy and I had barely any idea what was going on half the time. I'm pretty sure I don't even remember any of their names. Most of the action scenes were just blurry and hard to follow. Okay, so there were moments I'd find this funny, but I think they were moments that were supposed to be serious but because of how awful the script was it came off as hilarious. But when this film actually tried to be funny. It was not. There was this dwarf who honestly I despised, as I had to watch him talk about having sex with people and constantly making sexual grunts/jokes. This also brings...

  Genre: Fantasy/ Adventure Time: 2h Director:  Ron Howard Quick Summary:  A young farmer is chosen to undertake a perilous journey in order to protect a special baby from an evil queen. I have two brain cells left and its these guys Have you ever heard the term 80's fantasy? Well, this is the ultimate 80's Fantasy and I adore it to pieces. This is also a childhood classic of mine, even if it terrified me because honestly, it's incredibly dark and scary at times. Everything you could want out of a fantasy film this has. A wondrous journey, glorious swordfights, screeching monsters and crossdressing men.  Jokes aside, this is pure fantasy. Some of the effects are dated due to the age, but honestly, that doesn't distract from how good the story is in this. Even though this is two hours long it doesn't feel that, and I wish I could have more time with it, as you get completely sucked into the world this all unfolds in. The worldbuilding is incredible but not overbeari...