SilentLuminary Reviews

  Genre: Action/ Fantasy Time: 2h 23mins Director:  James Wan Quick Summary:  Arthur Curry, the human-born heir to the underwater kingdom of Atlantis, goes on a quest to prevent a war between the worlds of ocean and land. Man, they really like slow motion in this. You know I'm not sure what I found strange more, the sheer amount of slow-motion scenes or the sheer amount of scenes when Jason Momoa is shirtless, or the sheer amount of scenes where explosions just randomly happen to interrupt conversations.  I have zero comments about Amber Heard and refuse to acknowledge her.  I'll be honest, the first hour got me. While it wasn't brilliant, It felt like it was going to be silly and not very serious in a good cheesy type of way. For someone like Aquaman, it needed to be fun, especially being played by Jason Moma, but sadly they chose to be serious with it which resulted in a poorly toned film. Weirdly enough, something I liked about this is how pretty the underw...

  Genre: Action/ Superhero  Time: 2 hours  Director:  Zack Snyder Quick Summary:  Fueled by his restored faith in humanity and inspired by Superman's selfless act, Bruce Wayne enlists the help of his new-found ally, Diana Prince, to face an even greater enemy. I was so bored by this I actually fell asleep.  Let me start by explaining this film chose to set up an assembly of superheroes, with only maybe 3 of them having introduction films before it. The rest are just thrown in and quickly introduced to us in this one. I say quickly like this film actually had some speed to it. Still, now, I am unsure of a film that has a lot of fights in it and still manages to be extremely boring.  As for the fights, they looked sort of cool. A lot of it was very clearly CGI, and everyone looked really computer-altered for a lot of this film too. I actually found it really distracting to watch as everyone looked super shiny or kinda off. The same goes for all the spe...

  Genre: Comedy/ Mystery Time: 1h 37mins  Director:  Jonathan Lynn Quick Summary:  Six guests are anonymously invited to a strange mansion for dinner, but after their host is killed, they must cooperate with the staff to identify the murderer as the bodies pile up. Well, he said he didn't do it. This is comedy gold. Absolutely hilarious. Old school humour, but not dated a single day. What makes this so funny is how everything is delivered, sure the script isn't great but the delivery of this script is perfect. It knows how to play its cards right and keeps everything so entertaining. Something I actually found really interesting about this is that this film actually has three endings, and you can either choose to see all three together or one at random.  Never have I seen a murder mystery so hectic and fast-paced. There's one scene in which one of the characters is literally running from room to room to explain what happened, and everyone just follows him aroun...

  Genre: Thriller/ Mystery Time: 1h 38mins Director:  William Oldroyd Quick Summary:  A woman's friendship with a new co-worker at the prison facility where she works takes a sinister turn. Damn girl, you be doing that in public? I'm going to start by saying right away I was disappointed by this film. It has such an incredible set-up and really interesting characters that we could have sunk our teeth into, but it gives us all this and then just drops it.  The two main characters honestly seemed so interesting to me. Looking like we were going to have a deep look into the main girl's psychology and her obsession/ reluctance towards sex, as well as her obsession with her older co-worker and then hand a possible lesbian relationship in the 60s. It shows how much she is obsessed with this older woman as we watch as Eileen copies her mannerisms and aesthetic, hoping she will get noticed by her. But no, we just get the surface level of all this. I did like how this film ...

  Genre: Action/ Adventure  Time: 2h 9mins Directors:  Joachim Rønning, Espen Sandberg Quick Summary:  Captain Jack Sparrow is pursued by old rival Captain Salazar and a crew of deadly ghosts who have escaped from the Devil's Triangle. They're determined to kill every pirate at sea...notably Jack. I'll be straight, I stopped watching this at the one-hour mark. I couldn't get through it.  I'm not being overdramatic, but If I can't sit through a bad film, then it's really bad.  I thought Jack was awful in the last film, and man I was not prepared for this film. Every part of why we loved Jack as a character is gone and has been replaced with drunken slapstick comedy that just isn't funny. PLUS this time he is actually an idiot. I'll be honest I have zero recollection of any of the characters in this.  Don't even get me started on the sheer amount of plot holes and retcons this film creates. It seems to just rewrite how events happen without a singl...

  Genre: Action/ Adventure Time: 2h 21mins Director:  Rob Marshall Quick Summary:  Jack Sparrow and Barbossa embark on a quest to find the elusive fountain of youth, only to discover that Blackbeard and his daughter are after it too. If I hear the theme song again, I will scream. I'll admit I was very disappointed after being on the high of how good the last three were to find out this is nowhere as good as them. They basically got rid of everything we loved about the previous three. Jack feels very bizarre in this one and not his usual charming bizarre, more off. His jokes don't feel funny as they used to be and they don't bode well with other characters. His usual chemistry just doesn't react with this new crew. Sure some parts were funny and got a small laugh out of me when he was bumbling around but nowhere near as much as he used to. He doesn't seem as clever or witty anymore too, just dumb luck. Don't even get me started on Barbossa, they just completely ...

  Genre: Action/ Adventure  Time: 2h 48mins Director:  Gore Verbinski Quick Summary:  Captain Barbossa, Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann must sail off the edge of the map, navigate treachery and betrayal, find Jack Sparrow, and make their final alliances for one last decisive battle. How many double crosses can you fit into one film? The cinematography was actually really impressive, there is some lovely period detail and I thought there were some very well-staged battle sequences, especially during the end as everything is set out on such a grand scale. The sets, costumes, and stunning visual effects are impressive as well and dare I say they're almost extremely believable. Like I actually forgot I was watching a fantasy world.  I'll admit I wasn't vibing a lot for a good portion of this as I found it a lot slower than the previous two and being used to the chaotic nature they had, I did find it a bit difficult to engage with this. As well, this was pretty...

  Genre: Fantasy/ Adventure  Time : 2h 31mins Director:  Gore Verbinski Quick Summary:  Jack Sparrow races to recover the heart of Davy Jones to avoid enslaving his soul to Jones' service, as other friends and foes seek the heart for their own agenda as well. I was just sat in pure amazement during the waterwheel fight. Do you know what's better than one Pirates Of The Caribbean film? Two.  This one is on the exact same level as the first one for me, but this time the storyline delves deeper into the lore of the pirate world, exploring curses, supernatural beings, and the mysterious Davy Jones. It is still filled with thrilling action sequences, including a chaotic three-way duel on Isla Cruces (my favourite scene) to the spectacular sea battle involving the Flying Dutchman and the Black Pearl. Everyone is developed a lot more in this one. The character of Captain Jack Sparrow is examined in-depth, revealing further details about his past and motivati...

  Genre: Fantasy/ Adventure  Time: 2h 23mins Director:  Gore Verbinski Quick Summary:  Blacksmith Will Turner teams up with eccentric pirate "Captain" Jack Sparrow to save his love, the governor's daughter, from Jack's former pirate allies, who are now undead. Me when the Swordfights were perfectly timed with the music (>‘o’)> Man, what a fun and brilliant film. This is everything you could ask for with an adventure film and you know what makes it better than most? Pirates.  If you want to watch something that is just pure entertainment then please go watch this as it's worth every single second. This is over the top and loveable, really. If you hate this. What is wrong with you?  Yes, this is over the top and extra, but the story for this is so damn good. It's full of plenty of good twists and keeps a solid storyline with thrilling action sequences, including epic sword fights, ship battles, and daring escapes, which keeps this incredibly engaging. ...

Genre: War/ Action Time: 1h 59mins Director:  Sam Mendes Quick Summary:  As an infantry battalion assembles to wage war deep in enemy territory, two soldiers are assigned to race against time and deliver a message that will stop 1,600 men from walking straight into a deadly trap. I feel sad now This is beautifully designed and incredibly thought-provoking. The story is simple, get from point A to B. But this has so much crammed into this journey that honestly at times, it might make you cry a little bit it's hard to say this is actually simple. It's nothing overwhelming though, you can follow this constant bombardment of events. There's always something to look at, even during some of the slower scenes. The use of the long unbroken one-take technique is nothing short of masterful even if it was cleverly hidden when they did cuts the longest one-shot was 8 minutes. There are so many important close-ups that picture a thousand words and it also knows when to pull back from...

Genre: Fantasy/ Romance Time: 1h 47mins Director:  Makoto Shinkai Quick Summary : Two teenagers share a profound, magical connection upon discovering they are swapping bodies. Things manage to become even more complicated when the boy and girl decide to meet in person This is a wonderful film and a brilliant story, and it's such a sweet but also very sad love story. Let me start with the animation. Stunning. That's the best way to describe it. It's honestly so damn pretty. This is so beautifully and intricately drawn with immaculate attention to detail in the backgrounds and is simply breathtaking but also very full of atmospheric colours, even during some of the more depressing moments I couldn't help but think God this is gorgeous to watch.  As to the story, admittedly it can be confusing on your first watch but it's nothing that you won't understand by the end of the film. It's perfectly balanced between two different characters even with several interes...

  Genre: Horror/ Mystery  Time: 1h 35mins Director:  Paris Zarcilla Quick Summary:  An undocumented Filipina immigrant lands a job as a care-worker for a terminal old man, securing a better life for her and her daughter.  Who labelled this as a horror?  So this wasn't bad, I did really enjoy this, it's just I'm not sure this should be labelled as a horror though. I don't personally think there was anything that happened in this that even remotely brings in a single element of horror, there are incredibly tense moments that got a gasp, but nothing spooked me. Really this should have been labeled as a Thriller.  This is interesting  and enjoyable to watch, but I realise it's actually kind of dull if you're someone who expects lots of things to happen throughout a film. It's slow, but it's solid in its own story. The set-up is done purposely so that you know barely anything and shows you a very heavy exploration of this woman's present life. Rangin...

  Genre: Thriller/ Mystery Time: 2h 40mins Director:  David Fincher Quick Summary:  Between 1968 and 1983, a San Francisco cartoonist becomes an amateur detective obsessed with tracking down the Zodiac Killer, an unidentified individual who terrorizes Northern California with a killing spree. I was screaming during the entire basement scene. You know it's strange seeing how young Jake Gyllenhaal is in this. He plays a cartoonist who becomes obsessed with the case of the Zodiac killer and mostly we follow his point of view, aside from a few shifts every now and again through various other characters. These other ones flick throughout the film, so it is difficult to keep track of them at the start. Jake, I adored this, he steals the whole thing hands down. So much that I think I would have preferred if we just followed through his eyes, but I understand we might not have gotten the information we did at certain times, or at all, because of the point of view shifts. Ro...

  Genre: Horror/ Mystery Time: 1h 44mins Director:  Jeff Wadlow Quick Summary:  A woman returns to her childhood home to discover that the imaginary friend she left behind is very real and unhappy that she abandoned him. What the hell were they going to tell the dad at the end?  Okay okay, this seemed promising in the first half. I was actually excited for this to be A GOOD horror film. The jokes on me, it was okay at best. Don't get me wrong, this is watchable, but I wouldn't call it a great horror. It's basically baby's first horror film. It gently guides you into the shallow end of horror. And that's okay.  The set-up for this is good I'll admit, aside from probably important information being held up until near the later half. I personally felt like said information would have been better during the start, but who am I to say what's best. The bear honestly was actually pretty creepy. Aside from the times it would be straight staring into the camera whi...

  Genre: Fantasy/ Drama Time: 1h 44mins Director:  Sean Price Williams Quick Summary : A picaresque journey through the cities and woods of the Eastern seaboard of the U.S undertaken by Lillian, a high school senior from South Carolina. She gets her first glimpse of the wider world on a class trip to Washington, D.C. What a strange line of events. I'll be honest I'm not sure how I feel about this film, as it's a strange one that a lot but not a lot happens. The main girl SCREAMS manic pixie dream girl energy and I'm all for it. She was pretty much the reason why I stuck through this film, as I really just enjoyed watching her react to the things happening around her. The situations she got herself into were honestly pretty impressive like she just went along with whatever was happening, just out of sheer curiosity (or boredom).  Thinking about it, the timeline is hard to follow from memory as there was barely any rhyme or reason to things, it was just one thing happ...

  Genre: Horror/ Comedy Time: 1h 25mins Director:  Malcolm D. Lee Quick Summary:  A couple begin to experience some unusual activity after bringing their lost nieces and nephew home. With the help of home-surveillance cameras, they learn they're being stalked by a nefarious demon. The Lesbian sex scene was honestly the highlight of this film. Boy, they really don't know when to stop, do they? The fact that none of the original cast are in this will hopefully set up just how bad this is. I think the only reason I watched this one is because it's the last in the franchise (for now). I can't stress just how unfunny this one was, I really think I was just laughing because of how bad it is. Expect the lesbian sex scene which is essentially things like tacos, scissors, and hot dog buns being smashed against each other. The problem with this one is that it never knows when to stop a joke, they just go on and on, forever it feels to the point of you're not even laughing y...

  Genre: Horror/ Comedy Time: 1h 25mins Director : David Zucker Quick Summary:  Cindy finds out the house she lives in is haunted by a little boy and goes on a quest to find out who killed him and why. Also, Alien "Tr-iPods" are invading the world and she has to uncover the secret in order to stop them. Okay, looks like they learnt their lesson, this isn't awful. Cindy has improved I'm not going to lie, I actually enjoyed watching her on screen this time. Brenda, is still absolutely a god within this film, hilarious as always. The scene that was parodying the original saw was honestly so funny. Everyone else? Eh, really I think I just watch these to see Cindy and Brenda interacting. The first half of the film is completely void of anything really funny and relies on the been-there-done-that slapstick/goofy violence you'd expect from these films. Don't get me wrong, It's funny, but not when you've already seen three films full of it. The second half do...

  Genre: Horror/ Comedy Time: 1h 25mins Director : David Zucker Quick Summary:  Cindy must investigate mysterious crop circles and video tapes, and help the President in preventing an alien invasion. I'll tell you what, I actually struggled to remember this one. There are some random funny moments. I still like Anna Faris as Cindy, though I think she is definitely losing her charm. I'm not so sure about Sheen, he wasn't really funny to me. Regina on the other hand carried this film. She's never a let down and I found myself always laughing because of her. This is somewhat enjoyable but nowhere near as good as the other two. The only thing really that would genuinely get laughs out of me was when this poor kid would be the brunt of slapstick jokes like being thrown out of a window or constantly being hit in the head with things. Otherwise, the humour is mixed. Sometimes it is hilarious or it's painful. I did notice there weren't really any sex jokes in this one. ...

  Genre: Horror/ Comedy  Time: 1h 25mins Director:  Keenen Ivory Wayans Quick Summary:  Four teens are tricked by Professor Oldman (Tim Curry) into visiting a haunted house for a school project. My pussy has gone crazy is the best line I've ever heard This is the raunchiest of the Scary Movies. If you thought the original was "too much", well, this one will truly give you more reasons to avoid it as honestly, it's full of them. The comedy might have been a little too over-the-top and repetitive at times, as it seemed like this one tried really hard to please the viewer when the first one just really didn't care. There were a lot of funny parts in this film, such as the opening song, the Charlie's Angels spoof scene, the scene where Buddy gives back Cindy's book, and Cindy singing in the car scene. Admittedly I'm not actually sure what horror films this one was parodying so I can't really comment on that. I think Cindy was a lot better in this one,...